-Electronically Abused-

animationistgirl:

Digital art by Rafael Sarmento

“Keeping yourself busy and having fun while doing so shuts out the pain.” This seems to be the theme of this story. Constantly distracting yourself is clouding you’re mind of what you really want. Wishing over and over again in your head that it would all get better is the same as slowly giving up on your hopes and dreams. There is no evidence that proves that giving up is the “right” or “wrong” thing to do. It all depends on what you want. You can either make sacrifices pursuing a dream or fool yourself. Pretending to enjoy an unhappy lifestyle. The choice is yours. Let your heart break and move on. Or rekindle that Fire that burns with passion and fight for the flame to burn eternally.

#love #heartbreak #confusion

darksilenceinsuburbia:

Brandon Wilson. Black Star Series. Paper collage and embroidery floss. 6.25” x 8.25”.

(Source: littlemisssunshine64, via aliiceexo-deactivated20121208)

Sorry but you’ve lost me

(Source: shortneyx3)

Seriously it’s been a few months since i last posted that long depressing essay. I can honestly say that i have been a million times better. The long descriptive vocabulary that i had used were all dawned from the creative essence that is a depressed mind. but now i can say that im just dumbfounded. lol. im absolutely retardedly happy. Since that essay, ive learned to overcome depression using the wonderful drugs perscribed to me by my psychiatrist. Its called citalopramand it has stabilized my mood and mind for the better. i have succeeded in school, work, life, and love. lol did i say love? yes i did. The highlight of my year was falling in love with the most amazing girl in the world. The other night i wrote her drunklove essay that surprised even myself. i had no clue i had this strong of feelings for her. this was all done on twitter all in seperate posts because twitter has a 140 character limit!!  i’ll post it right here:

Omfg. 

I hate saying it but truth is I’ve fallen deep into it and I can do nothing at all but think about it.

It lingers and doesn’t leave.

And the thing is I never wanted it to leave in the first place.

It’s not fair. I hate it but love it so much at once. I’ve not felt this

For a long time. As familiar as it seems, it feels so brand new.

I’ve no clue why I feel this way but it feels so good.

The words that I type continuously…

Are all coming not from my mind,

but the engine that pumps the blood keeping me alive.

That’s funny…

My heart is in your hands and I feel so alive. 

Inspiration and complete bliss.

Its doing what it has to but only because it’s in your hands.

Many difficulties lie ahead and they are inevitable.

But it’s the one fact that is planted deep into the writing that is my life.

Written.

Written and in big bold letters.

Obvious in daylight. 

And easy for anyone to see.

Something about the way you are Alice…

Has absolutely captured me. 

And I will not escape it.

I will not deny it. 

And I’ve already learned to love it.

All this admiration…

Every bit of Inspiration…

Has brought to attention that I, Josh the freaking puffpuff, has failed.

Has failed to stay standing over the deep dug hole that is love.

It’s easy to say I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. 

Good night.

I Love you.

… Wasnt that just lovely? i showed it to myu sister and her girlfriend and they both said it was amazing. But yeah… ive fallen in love with her and i wish i had done it sooner. I guess you can say our story is cliche but in the end it’s all a wonderful wonderful time. Oh the best part is… she’s like the greatest concert pianist evarrr. I swear her fingers are like muthafuckin lightning yo!!! pew pew pew. She blew the audience away playing 1st piano @disney concert hall. Jesus i was all like, “yo thats ma babeh oer durr” lol. i sound like a 12 year old school girl who just had her first kiss. Its lovely. Thats all there is to say. My future. My life is all back to normal. i love it. 

(Source: fckin-your-feelings)

at this point in my life. i can honestly say that i have no positive effect on any one’s life. the sudden realization will not allow me to move my head forward to watch what i am typing. i can only stare at the ceiling and have the thoughts at the back of my head rush profusely. i dont even know what taht means. im not sure i used the word correctly.  ive felt stupid. and nobody appreciates my existence. it’s terrible.  the last time i fel this way was in 8th grade and i cant forget the unbelivable weight of sadness upon my shoulders. Ive been so caught up in having fun that i forgot all the things that were required in life. im so sad and so confused. why is the cycle repeating. it makes no sense. Can it be because of a girl? im not sure. all my sadness has been due to heartbreak. whther its my heart that is broken or someone elses. wow. can u believe it I’m crying. I’m tearing while typing. my story is so unimaginably dull you would wonder why i’d make such a big deal out of it. okay. ninth grade. my best friend and i were inseparable and we were both in marching band. this was fun and it made us feel like we were part of something bigger than ourselves. my best friend was not the popular type. in fact he was quiet and talked to very few quiet people as well. in 10th grade it was simple. i was popular and loved by everyone and i left my close friends in the dark to be “losers”. but i still loved them. but a funny twist of fate had caused me to sink down low.  the occasional 18+ likes on my facebook statuses had ended and all the so called “losers” i left behind had become the the most loved group of people in my school. i had become a scum to the planet. i don’t know what happened. but slowly, my depression had changed me into a person that people would ignore. i would be stared at and then looked away from. :]  i got more and more depressed.  the girl i loved made me feel dumb and unloved. she was my last hope in feeling like i meant anything to anyone. but it’s over now.  my grades had dropped at a quick unimaginable pace. now my mother, just earlier cried her eyes out making me feel like i had failed her and that there no happiness for when she died. she said, “i can never die happy now”.  how does one respond to that?  i cant take the pressure anymore. i had to walk about 3 miles in sadness and regret only to bring myself back here. back to my blue walled room and hard uncomfortable bed. i am extremely depressed. i had tried to cheer myself up. but i cant do anything about it. the past tow years of drugs and alcohol has consumed my very being. and now I’m just one big waste of life. give it to someone who deserves it. give it to someone who actually cares about what life is all about.  I’m out.